Too Much Death...Too Much Longing...

On Facebook I posted a status update on July 1 hoping that the last six months of 2009 go better than the first six. With too much death in the air, I prayed that we'd get a relapse from it. Five days I was wrong - R.I.P. Steve McNair, a warrior on the football field, an HBCU product who added an unique chapter to the history of the Black quarterback in football. R.I.P. to my Twitfam @GullyFresh who lost his dad to cardiac arrest. Not to mention the passing (albeit expected) of former Sec. of Defense Robert McNamara.

What is going on? How could we survive a tragic end to June with goodbyes to Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays and Michael Jackson. That just adds to the personal losses I've experienced with my uncle, one of my church's most dedicated members who I've loved since I was a kid and having to cover the funeral of a HS football player who was killed a few weeks before graduation.

I feel like there's an aura of death in the air and we don't know who's going to be stricken next.

And on top of that, I'm getting a sense from friends I've talked to that they are feeling like they re-evaluating what they've done since graduation. Either they're doing jobs they don't feel satisfied in (something I feel from time to time) or are struggling to find work. We feel like we're wondering if we've made an impact or a difference around us.

Welcome to our quarter-life crisis - where senior year optimism meets our time in the real world.

This is our 2009. A turning point because literally we are seeing the world around us not just change as far as our economic opportunities, but because people from our childhood and teen years are starting to leave us. It's sobering in so many ways and when you throw in our doubts about what we've done at this stage in life - it's almost paralyzing.

I can't understand what God is trying to tell us about so much tragedy, so much loss this year. It's a wakeup call but how many of us are really being awaken to be different? Is it something where we are sad about the loss or do we just go back after we grieve.

On their last album, the Cross Movement did a song that's been on my mind lately called "9-10" - talking about how people got reflective and were impacted by 9/11 but now we live our lives like its September 10th - the day before the tragedy. I'm trying to fight that from happening and I hope we all wake up as well and get our stuff together.

As far as us wanting to live for so much more, Switchfoot challenged us to do this in 2003 with "Meant to Live." These troubling times have us wanting to do so much more to live up to our dreams and yet....as we keep searching for something more, let's also look back at what we've learned so far.

I'm struggling with that right now, trying to figure out what to do with my life in an industry that is dying/evolving/headed into unpredictable waters. I know that I want to impact people with my words but I don't know how to make a living doing that. We've always been a society that has undervalued creativity but at the same time, I'm not sure how to go about finding a different line of work. Sometimes I wonder if I've made that impact - but everytime I wonder, I get surprised by a comment or a sign of approval.

Everything we've done has prepared for us right now. Yet I pray that we keep looking for that satisfaction. The best is yet to come...These are troubled times indeed. It's hard to make sense of it but somehow we will. Just be open to hear what all of these moments are telling us.