5 Years Since Graduation

This month marks the 5th anniversary of graduating from the University of San Diego. It's funny because this year I felt different when I attended several grad parties for my friends. Two of my friends graduated law school, including one of my fellow c/o 06 undergrads, and another got his doctorate in physical therapy. Maybe being at grad school ceremonies made feel even more reflective but it gave me another feeling.

It made look at where I'm at since that moment. Five years of being in the "real world" and learning so much about my life, the world around me and seeing the friends that I have now/looking at where my old friends are now.

I felt so happy when I walked on that stage because all my life that's what I was driving for. I've said it before here but the No. 1 goal in my life was graduate from college. That's what I was pushed to do and it was 18 years of blood, sweat, tears and sacrifice.

It never occurred to me what to do after I got my diploma on stage. I remember grabbing it, shaking hands with the President and looking up to the sky to the one person who wasn't there. Dad had worked hard to get me to college and he told me that's where I was going after USD offered me a scholarship. I held my diploma to my chest, found my mom, uncle and fam and start bawling. So happy yet so emotional because it was his moment too.

Soon as I found my fam, I grabbed Mom and cried some more. But those tears faded into happiness as that moment could never be taken away from me. It's why I'm so happy for every graduate because their own personal story to the stage makes their diploma more than a paper.

We left so idealistic and hopeful to make an impact in the world.  I thought I was going to strike out as a journalist hungry to tell stories and if I was lucky, write about sports. Either way, I was armed quoting Shakespeare, TS Eliot and other literary giants more than Jim Murray or David Halberstam.

The crazy part was that I almost didn't make it home. I was bumping "Stadium Arcadium" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers to keep me awake but I was so tired from Grad Night and moving out that I really don't remember much of the drive. Couldn't keep my eyes open and definitely needed to pull over and nap.

I swerved several times on the freeway as Anthony Kiedis and Co. tried to keep me awake. By God's grace I got home and crashed in my bed soon as I walked in. Otherwise, I would've been a Memorial Day tragedy. Ironically the Chili Peppers bookended my college career. I drove down there after buying "By The Way" in 2002 and I left with "Stadium Arcadium".

5 years later, I think about graduating and marvel at where I am now. I knew the economy was going to be tough for my friends in the college of arts and sciences but I didn't know how tough. Facebook exploded and became a cultural phenomenon instead of our little secret. I assumed I would be on my own but I didn't know how my work situation would make that difficult.

Change the statement and it's pretty much the message every graduate should see after getting their diploma

I know several of my friends have struggled finding work and ended up going back to school to avoid that pressure. Some of have made great careers while most are like me wondering about our next step and how our dream of living our parent's lives is on hold.

I was blessed to work at the LA Sentinel and I'm grateful for the 3 1/2 years of writing sports. People would that was my dream job and it made for great memories, great future talent that I've seen and great experiences that have taken to meet renowned figures and even out of state for one assignment. Over that time, I learned about myself as a writer and how to learn from other great sportswriters.

When I left my newspaper gig last year (the 1-year anniversary is approaching as well), I considered that my graduate school of journalism. But I've also seen how journalism has transitioned online firsthand and how every newspaper has adapted dramatically just in the last 5 years. No newspaper had blogs on their site, the Sentinel's website was pretty basic and I could tell which papers were going to succeed because of how adapted to the times.

Blogs have changed journalism and the world. I knew folks who did it on MySpace or Live Journal and Facebook notes were somewhat like blogs? They've made journalists go from anonymous, faceless truthtellers to everyday folks who share their perspective on the world they cover. They've made newspapers more personal and that's how they'll survive in the coming years.

Twitter has changed journalism too. I long believed journalism as the old model would die in the 2010's but while I think it'll be harder for folks to break into it and for it to make money, it's still vital as we see news stories gain more traction in the Internet age and folks share their own perspectives on what they see.

One of my friends had these mints at her graduation party this month.

I'm still drawn to see my alma mater every time I'm in San Diego. But I see how its like leaving high school, the first year back is great cause you see a lot of friends. The second year, you feel even more distant. Once you pass those 4 years, you're officially ancient. An old person at 25. A relic of days gone by and no longer relevant despite the impact you left there. Reminds me what Jeff Pearlman said on his blog and LCD Soundsystem's Losing My Edge.

It's proof that the best years of our lives are ultimately snapshots. It's still fun being on the campus and I still consider San Diego my 2nd home and my escape from L.A. Yet all the more now, it feels distant and I  want to make LA a similar place by exploring it. I made it a goal to do that 5 years ago and while I have a love-hate relationship with the city, I have hope that I'll fulfill that dream one day.

I plan on attending my 5-year reunion in November and I'm wondering what to expect. I never did this for high school so I'm unsure what to expect, how to feel. All I know is that 5 years after my proudest moment, there's still a lot of living and growing to do to find more of myself.

Speaking of which, I've realized over time that I've become more assertive, less tolerant of nonsense and always aware of how others see things. I can't wait to see how I am in another 5 years.

Why I still Root for Kanye (Love-Hate)

Kanye West poured out a stream of consciousness on Twitter today regarding what happened a year ago with him running on stage at the Video Music Awards. It was a overload of thought but it showed Ye at his best - honest, open and introspective. He ended with an apology to Taylor Swift.

It also reminded why I've said that he's one of the few rappers I can relate to. To understand why, you have to go back to 2004 with me. Back when I was a sophomore in college and hip-hop was in a weird state.

I had just discovered Tribe Called Quest's "Low End Theory" and finally heard some rap I could relate to. 50 Cent, Jay, Eminem, Ja Rule, DMX, Juvenile - all were hot at the time but I didn't see myself in them. Mos Def and Talib Kweli dropped so-so albums so I couldn't feel them. But when I heard this kid from Chicago, something was different.

Kanye wasn't your average rapper. He didn't look like your average rapper. He was smart, dressed preppy, strong faith, reminded me of a bookworm who had a knack for producing. His parents were well-educated. He was me.

College Dropout was an album that spoke to me in a way no album did. It had a light sound but had an honesty that few rappers showed. Who rapped about Jesus and made it a hit? Instead of bragging, he kept it real on "All Falls Down." He was hilarious about gold diggers before Jaime and Ray. He had quotables for days as I felt like I was being spoken to as a smart college kid who loved rap but didn't fit in with the music.

At the same time, the other side of Kanye came out. The ego. The ego that blasted XXL for not giving him a "XXL rating" in their feature on him, blaming an early leak of the album. He did the same thing in the Source. He fumed at award shows when he didn't win - famously blasting Gretchen Wilson winning Best New Artist at the AMA's and after he lost Album of the Year at the Grammys.

This started my love-hate relationship with him. He was skilled with the pen and on the production boards but his antics made me cringe. It only got tougher in 2005-06 when he dropped "Late Registration" and produced Common's "Be"

I still remember me and my friend Irma going to Best Buy to get Late Registration then later going to see his tour at UCSD. It's still one of the coolest shows I've ever seen and when I saw him in 06 at the San Diego Street Scene on a smaller scale, he still killed it. But Soon after came the infamous Rolling Stone cover with him posing like Christ. Crown of thorns, robe and all. You went from rapping about Jesus to having a God-complex?

At the same time, he showed his balls by saying those famous 7 words all of us wanted to say after Hurricane Katrina. Most people forget that he made an impassioned speech before then talking about the news coverage showing Blacks as looters, Whites as survivors. That set up his great moment: George Bush doesnt care about Black people.

It made me admire him more. He could've easily just asked for money but he was brilliant in his anger. He spoke for a region and a people. Even Jay-Z said he could've done more.

He was a complicated figure. The biggest rapper in the world with an even bigger ego who found a way to draw you into his struggles. Was Kanye the guy who rapped about his mom and blood diamonds? Or was he the guy chasing pop stardom whose mouth was reckless on a minor Tupac level.

I left college in 2006 and the "Graduation" album summed my mood the next year. He nearly sold a million that first week as he began chasing stadium status but with songs like "Can't Tell Me Nothin", "Everything I Am", "The Glory", he was still inspiring me.

When his mom passed away, I knew he'd touch her soul with something great and the Grammy version of "Hey Mama" nearly had me in tears. But after that moment, Kanye finally looked like he stopped relating to everyday joes and began going international in his style and out of this world production wise.

I cringed when he started rapping in Auto-Tune (considering that he can hold a note). I cringed more when I anticipated 808 and Heartbreaks and for the first time, his first single didn't move more than his second (Love Lockdown and Heartless were both bland even though the words of Heartless were still great). I thought he'd lost it - too caught up in his grief and ambition to make something soulless

The album dropped not so soon after I broke up with my last girlfriend. When I heard "Say You Will" on the plane, it was so stark and haunting I felt like she was talking to me. As bad as the auto-tune was, Kanye's words were speaking to me and I felt like I heard her in there. I still say it's his worst album but he used auto-tune to create something close to Marvin Gaye's "Here My Dear"

Six years in, it's his words, creativity, emotion that both inspire me, speak to me and make me wonder what the heck he was thinking. The Taylor Swift incident was overblown, unfortunate and the upset ramblings of a fool who hates award show screwjobs but maybe it's the start of Kanye getting back to himself.

Today's long diatribe is a great start.I still consider him one of my favorite figures in rap. No matter his flaws, he still reminds me of that personal, introspective guy I see in myself who's unafraid to show his emotions. And musically, he may be miles away from College Dropout but every so often, he'll remind me why he's one of the best writers in hip-hop and an inspiration to guys like me who love hip hop but aren't street dudes.

He's still gonna say and do some weird stuff (Nicki Minaj potential to be better than anyone but Eminem? Swizz Beatz the greatest producer ever? Do a track with Raekwon and Justin Bieber???) but for me, he's just a reminder that entertainers aren't perfect. Neither are we.