Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Bakersfield Reflections

A man is never afraid to admit he was wrong. And I was wrong about thinking Bakersfield wouldn't have much to offer - in fact, it gave me a lot to think about for the next months.

First off, I actually enjoyed the slow change of pace. I've noticed that when I leave Los Angeles, I find cities that are just quieter, more laid back and easier to navigate. I see it at the new pad in Redondo, I felt for years in San Diego and I saw it in Bakersfield. It's like I told my godsister - everything in L.A. revolves around being busy but everything there revolves relaxing and simple things.

It was funny driving through the main street to the arena. They even had a street sign next to it named in honor of their most famous product, the band KoRn. I guess that was downtown cause city hall was across the street but the lack of buildings made it feel like small town heaven.

I was surprised that it wasn't as rural as I thought it was - I even peeped the "new" Hooters in town for March Madness. Although it was funny that there's a Wal-Mart and a Target right next to each other.

But to the point, I had several good conversations were my godsis Monica just about my life and trying to figure out what's gonna happen in the next few months. I realized that watching her confidently respond or ask me simple questions that demanded I answer specifically made me think that I'm still in the process of understanding myself, let alone my future.

The hardest part for me lately is to come to grips with who am I only because I have trouble being 100% confident in every situation. You want to be comfortable but what happens when you feel unsatisfied or people can't tell if you think they're joking or serious.

That's the problem being so analytical at times. I come across as friendly and easygoing because I think my way through things instead of feel my way.

Talking with her helped me understand where I need to grow as a person. Age is really just a number unless you act like you lived that long and learned along the way.

I've been single for almost 2 years because I needed to figure out what I wanted for myself and what I like. Lately, I made the decision that I need to take trips outside of L.A. and see the country for a few reasons - but mainly to understand myself and regain the independence I had in college.

Bakersfield was a good start because it showed me a taste of what that can be. My godsis helped me realize that I don't have to worry about 5 years down the road when I have enough to think about and control just in the next 5 months. I'm gonna try to explore this more.

But yeah, I liked the city - especially getting exposed to sandwiches and cookies at Sequoia's - and I'll be back. Even the boring drive through the mountains was worth it just to see the Grapevine and get away from the rat race of L.A., something I don't have to do in San Diego all the time.


  1. a man is never afraid to admit he is wrong? i love u darling, but i can't agree with you there. most admissions of guilt i have encountered with men have been under dire circumstances (threats of break up, lost in the woods, etc).....i think women on the other hand have a horrible habit of admitting being wrong way to fast, way to much. like that will some how fix a situation. just the two thoughts. but otherwise i agree you should take more trips & see the world. Get your passport together & visit me already!

  2. Well a man who is comfortable in himself and has to wisdom to see when his perceptions were wrong. I mean it's for most to do because of pride but at the same time - letting go of that pride (knowing that the other person won't hang it over your head) in non-threatening situations isn't a bad thing.

    One passport coming right........eeeeeeeh lemme get back to you on that my dear friend :)